Friendships

Here's a little something about me:

Growing up in city less diverse than the one I live in now, I found difficulty in making friends. My brothers and I were among a small population of asian students attending Pleasant View Elementary School in Baldwin Park. It was difficult being considered "different" among students of the Caucasian and Mexican decent. We were often made fun of with all the asian stereotypes out there. Our teachers would point out our ethnicity and state that whether we were Chinese, Korean, Japanese, or any other Asian race, to them, we were Chinese. Although we were taught that we were all equal, it didn't seem equal during recess. I was never accepted into a group of friends. It seemed easy for me to talk to my peers, but difficult for them to consider me a "friend."

Year after year, I would try to make friends, sure I made some, but as the year ended I would always be left out of the group. Moving out of Baldwin Park, I never looked back at my life there, eventhough I spent nearly ten years of my life there. To this day, I still do not remember the names of any of the kids I went to elementary with and I do not plan on trying to either. It was difficult growing up there and I remember telling my parents how much I wanted to move. One day, I was checked out of school early, not knowing what is going on. I left a majority of my school supplies in my desk because I thought I would return the next day. Getting into my moms red Nissan quest, I saw my uncle along with my mom and they told my younger brother and me (my older brother had already moved to middle school) that we were moving to Collegewood Elementary School in Walnut, and boy was I excited.

It was a new day and a new life. I thought of all the new friends I'll make and how different this school would be compared to my previous school. My uncle and grandparents had lived in Walnut and I knew the city as if I've been living there my whole life. It was a clean city with very nice people. Baldwin Park is about 20 minutes away from Walnut and since we haven't moved to Walnut yet until two months later, I had to wake up extremely early in order to get to school on time.

It was the first day at a new school and I was very excited. I was very quiet on the first day and pretty much lost. I didn't know where the cafeteria was. As a matter of fact, I didn't even know where the office was. I had to introduce myself to the whole class, which was pretty nerve wrecking. I remember the first person to talk to me was this guy sitting next to me. I remember him trying to speak to me in cantonese, but I did not understand a single word that he was saying. He also jokingly said he was going to hit my big head in cantonese. He was one of the first friend I made at my new school. After about an hour or two, we were let out to recess and I was just standing there next to the classroom watching the other kids play and then all of a sudden, the bell rings and at my old school we would line up next to the classroom until the teacher came, so I thought it was the same for this school. I was wrong, I was the only one standing there. I realized that they lined up on the basketball court and felt embarrassed as I walked over to my classmates who were calling me to line up.

As the year progressed, I met more and more people. I never really had a best friend back at my old school and I was hoping that I'd meet some friends who I can consider my "best friend(s)" and I did. We were friends all the way to high school, that's eight years of friendships and memories. We considered eachother best friends eventhough he betrayed our friendship in middle school and left me as a wanderer for a majority of 7th and 8th grade. After that, I never really had a group of friends I hung out with. I simply went from one group to another, not really getting to know anyone. They were simply acquaintances. In middle school, I wanted more friends who didn't know me well, rather than a small group of friends who knew me. Loosing my best friend made it hard for me to get close to people because, seeing that everytime I get close to someone, they'd leave and I didn't want it to happen.

When I finally left middle school, I had no one I considered myself close to, no one I can talk to if I was having a problem. I was now a freshman, making new friends again, but not being able to get close to any of them. My best friend and I slowly began to talk again because we joined the same learning program and pretty much had the same exact classes. We never really brought up what happened to our friendship in middle school, eventhough it still bothered me, but I was just glad everything was back to the way it was. Overtime I learned to forgive him for what had happened and moved on. We often joked around about it and it was fun.

After graduating high school, I felt our friendship start to slip again. Seeing that he was making more friends and getting close to his new group of friends, it felt like middle school happening all over again, but this time I took actions before anything worst happens. I thought that ignoring him and just ending our friendship would be the answer. It was difficult because it was hard to talk to other people because we had the same group of friends. Many of them said that I should apologize and that I shouldn't have ended the friendship, and overtime, I began to realize what I did was exactly the same as what he did and that I was being hypocrite. I didn't like what he did to me in middle school, so I did it back to him and realized that was not the answer. It took me almost a year to come up with the courage to apologize for my actions, but it was too late. My apology was not accepted. I thougtht that since I was able to forgive him for his previous actions that he would forgive mine in return, but I had to learn that it doesn't work that way. I also realized that I forgave people way to easily. I lost a great friend through my stupid actions. We were like brothers and he knew as much about me as I did about him.

What I'm trying to say after this long blog is that I'm scared of losing my friends. I have gotten close to so many great people from high school and from college, and I hope that we will always be friends even if something happens. To those I met in college, I am so glad that we became so close and that we had so many memories that it is equivalent to four years of high school with the drama that we went through, the friendship we lost and the new friendships we gained. I hope we have many more memories this coming year since we'll all be living in the same complex! Trips to the first floor! And to those who are still my friends after we graduated, thanks for all the great memories we had and I hope we have more memories in the future. Also, to all the friends that I've met from other places, I hope that we too, will have more memories together! I hope that our friendships will only grow stronger as we get to know more about eachother. I love you all!